I am not sure what to write or what to say. It’s been quite a month for me, honestly. Recently, I am questioning my own being a lot. I’m not unhappy per say. It’s just that, doing a lot of retrospections have made me more aware of the fragility of life and I could feel myself diving deeper into thoughts, scary thoughts, adult thoughts and sad thoughts.
Here are a few of my reoccurring thoughts….
Money has never been an issue for me. I am grateful to always have enough. I am also a very simple person with not much needs. I don’t crave for branded bags as much as I used to when I was younger. I am not a fan of fancy restaurants unless they are super delicious like Miku. I love my job but I don’t cling onto it as much because I don’t want to die if anything ever happens (fml, I hope not). But recently, I do wonder about financial stability… and how it is more complicated than I thought. Damn you adulthood.
I am now almost a quarter century old and the age does get you thinking about marriage, love partner and all that shit. But I noticed lately, I am less inclined to believe I have to get married before I turn 30. My fuck-it moment is back.
The world is indeed a stage
Shakespeare wrote in his poem that
All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts.
And I am not sure which part I have to play now.
How can I be successful without losing myself?
That’s the question I have been asking myself a lot more lately. I fear I lose myself more than anything. I don’t want to lose myself. But I am losing a grasp of myself slowly. I have been trying to redeem myself. Like exercising excessively because the rush of endorphins makes me feel really good and composing a lot of random songs on the piano… but wth, all the songs are fairly emotional.. lol
Myself vs The expectations from others
How do I be myself without hurting, destroying or offending others?
Talking about expectation, I also realized that
I should never act with an expectation.
Ya, slowly trying to nail the adult life.