On Being Upside Down

One time during a hot yoga practice…

“First you clasp your hand, then slowly rest your head on the floor and while your legs are in downward dog position, slowly bring your legs up, one at a time. Use the wall if you need to.”

“Damn, he made head stand look so easy…” I thought, silently cursing my inflexibility to bend like my instructor.

I leaned my head against the wall. Three years of practice – albeit only a year I did daily, being upside down has been my biggest fear. Slowly, I tried pushing myself up. One leg at a time he said. Imagine crow pose, I told myself.

One push.

Two push.

Three push.

Then I went up suddenly with the instructor’s help.

“I am scared! Omg.” I said to him.

“Stay just like that for ten seconds. Just keep breathing.”

It was longer than ten seconds. But it was the first time I stayed upside down for that long. The last time I did it at home and I let go. I was afraid.

What was I afraid of?

Seeing things in a different perspective. I was so used to being friends with gravity and not against it.

Being upside down shouts change, perspective and different – all the things I dislike.

But like what they say or what my instructor said,

“Being upside down is good. It teaches you patience. It is uncomfortable but that’s life. Life is uncomfortable at times.”

What did I learn from that practice?

A lot but one important lesson:

There is no right or wrong. There is just difference.

You can’t be everything

Idk abt u but since young, I’ve always been taught to pick. 

You can’t have em all so you pick the one you like best. 

You can’t take all courses and thus, you pick the ones you really like. 

It makes the world slightly more organized (still a chaos btw) and people fall into the classes and places they believe they belong. There’s distinctive separation between the “corporate” and the “casual”, plus the “nonchalant” introverts and the “outgoing” extroverts.

They told me to look at successful people and businesses and they said,

“no one who is ever so successful wears many hats.”

Everytime someone says that, my honest opinion deep inside me is, “why not?”

I don’t want to brag about being a jack of all trades. Neither do I want to tell you how good I am at blabla. 

What I am trying to question you who are reading this is,

“Why do we freaking have to pick? When we don’t know and we don’t want to?!” 

Why when we are in turbulence at what we like best, we instinctively insist that we must, we must pick our course of life. 

I mean, if you already know what you want to do is totally FINE.

But what if you are like me – you love everything fascinating (aside from blood and pain)?

Yet, this is a bloody hell of life. 

We gotta pick. 

You either take this or that. 

You want both, you lose them all. 

I still wish I took that karate lessons when I was young. 

Next time if I have a little baby girl, I’ll tell her to run her life. The world is huge. She can be everything. Even a man.

A Beautiful Paradox

I grew up with this notion of life – that since life is hard, everyone would be equally nice to each other – but I learnt recently that not everyone is nice. We are all victims to our own experience, hurt and eventually we become more and more wary whom we give our uttermost human service aka kindness to.

Believe it or not, accept it or not, we are all money driven one way or the other. We rush to work every weekday or sometimes, on weekends because our work offers income. This income brings food to the table, allows us to spend and live the life we desire.

But what is exactly the kind of life we want? Is life about dwelling a contented, three-story bungalow, driving our dream car or being able to travel everywhere we could without worrying about how much we are going to spend? Or is it about everything listed and more?

Could we unconsciously be vying for power? We want the power to control and the power to make decisions because we are simply too tired listening to the higher-up.

Whatever they are, we thrive to reach those life goals. We take every step we can. We measure every risk we can possibly think of.

Our “dream” life then makes us a goal eccentric individual, which means we cannot be nice to everyone. We have our loved ones and dreams at stake. Selfishness then becomes a necessity.

I reflected on my experience with humans and my countless interaction with every one of them during my travel and coincidental bumps.

I now understand this sad yet powerful thing about humanity – that we can never be 100% kind to each other – yet at the same time, we have to be kind. I now understand this truth as a beautiful paradox.

We have to be kind. But we cannot be too kind.

So where do we draw the line?

Honestly, I still have no idea how. For multiple times I’ve crossed the line I drew and too many times I have retreated and moved two steps back from the same line.

But what I know for sure is the brutality of listening to your gut feelings – not necessarily following them. They somehow already know what you want, what you don’t want and potential catastrophes you might have brushed off.

I emphasized listening not necessarily following because we would never actually fully follow our gut feelings. We simply don’t have the guts too. It is too scary, risky and what if our feelings ended up being wrong? So I don’t coerce obedience towards my instinct anymore. Listening works much better.

In summary, I learn that the perception of life then is not about being right or wrong. It is also not about being rich or poor. Neither it is about living a balanced life. Rather, it is about being entirely certain that sometimes, life just happens to kick you in the butt and throw you up in the sky – we just have to enjoy this beautiful paradox one day at a time.

“My heart is at ease knowing what was meant for me will never miss me, and what misses me was never meant for me.”

Please Wake Up, Indonesia!!!

I write this in response to the recent protest against Ahok in Jakarta because it.is.freaking.absurd. I also write this because the incident reminded me of the Chinese-Indonesian Riot I experienced in 1998.

Apologize that it is in English but my Bahasa is really rusty now I can’t even….

Disclaimer: I do not mean to offend anyone by writing this post and explicit words + pictures are used here and there to express my dismay and thoughts of the incident and my reflection on the 1998 riot. 

Continue reading “Please Wake Up, Indonesia!!!”

Why I joined the Pokemon Go Craze

I am writing this post to convince myself that

1. I’m normal
2. There is no anomaly for being a poke hunter
3. Or coming to a halt all of a sudden for a Pokémon
4. And nope, even if that’s the first app I open now in wee hours just because I want to catch them all before you do.
5. I’m still, normal and very much, sane.

Okay, to many people, this is a form of addiction. So here’s why in my defense, then, my addiction is completely acceptable.

Continue reading “Why I joined the Pokemon Go Craze”

The Misconceptions About Letting Go


If I let go, they might not come back.

I disagree. Clinging onto something does not mean they will be yours or they will return. Letting go too doesn’t mean they are forever gone.

Clinging on is just a mere act of desperation. For a spur moment, you might feel secured and assured. But that’s only for a spur moment. Imagine carrying a 100000kg worth of rocks. You fear that if you let go of these rocks you might not see them anymore and they might not return…or you might not find them anymore.

But they are actually slowing you down. They are heavy, burdensome and scarring you. That’s why you have to let them go. Watch these rocks scatter on the ground as you throw them away, one by one. Start to prioritize your happiness, health and well-being. Strengthen yourself so one day, you can carry all these rocks again without them scarring you.

Letting go does not mean you will lose the things you love. Letting go is loving yourself enough to give yourself the time to heal. When you’re well enough, you’d have the strength to be anything and get anything you want.

If I let go, I’m not doing my best. 

In my previous post, I wrote about doing more than your best. Letting go doesn’t mean that you are not doing your best. Letting go means you have to let loose. It does not contradict or stop you from doing your best.

Letting go of negative emotions gives you the chance to focus on the positives.

Letting go of the things you cannot change, like natural disasters, someone else’s emotions, others’ decisions, shows you that the only person you can control is yourself. When you let go, you’re still doing your best but with a shift in emotion, feelings and most importantly, a different you.

Letting go means I’m not doing anything to make things work.

Wrong! Letting go means making things work together with the flow of universe. To let go is to believe. To create your life while feeling assured that all things work for your goodness, to prosper you and not to harm you (Quoting Jeremiah 29:11). Yes, you have to act to make things happen but you don’t have to react to things that do not happen the way you want them to. TO ACT DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO REACT.

Letting go is working hard without worrying. Letting go is pursuing your dream with happiness, in a state of calmness and euphoria.

I believe letting go is a beautiful act of forgiving, loving and entrusting. I let go because I know there are things that are out of my control. I let go because I’m secure enough to work on my well-being and my happiness. I let go because I want to attract people that will build me up, not bring me down.

Today, I sincerely write this to encourage you, who are reading this to let go of things that have been holding you back. Choose to feel light, joy and happiness. Chase your happiness while letting go of the turmoils and negativities that are holding you back.

If you believe in God, trust that when you let go, you let God work His way in you. You let Him work together with you for your divine plan. You’re not slacking off. Rather, you’re working hard but sans the heavy emotions that will only drag you down.